


White Silence

by KyDesert (orphan_account)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alchemy, Alternate Universe - War, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Dissociation, Explicit Language, Gen, Graphic Violence, Military Training, Slow Burn, Underage Soldiers, Violence Against Main Characters, father figure Maes Hughes, father figure Roy Mustang, parental! RoyEd, pre-FMAB Edward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5608441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/KyDesert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a request from the Führer King. An order. </p>
<p>And he was a dog now, and that was what he did; he received commands, he would listen, and he would wear the uniform proudly, even if they couldn’t find one that fit, and even if it smelled like goddamn war…</p>
<p>“I asked if this was what you fucking wanted.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello and Happy New Year!  
> Credit to Orangeglazedlibras (Tumblr) as the co-author of this story!

_ It was a request from the Führer King. An order.  _

 

He was a dog now, and that was what he did; he received commands, he would listen, and he would wear the uniform proudly, even if they couldn’t find one that fit, and even if it smelled like goddamn  _ war _ …

Ed continued to stare at the uniform draped over the desk in Mustang’s office, with an outstretched hand as if to take it and put it on, but he was frozen, lost in the black hole of his own thoughts. His usually shining eyes were blurred and hazy and his breathing was erratic and heavy. He could not, there was no way, no way at all. He kept staring and staring, his eyes unfocusing and the blue of the uniform blurring with the gray of the wall. His head becoming lighter and lighter, fuzzier and fuzzier, his body swaying from left to right; blue lightning danced in his head and the soft glow of the lanterns was overcome by a swirl of purple darkness.

Al.

_ Alphonse. _

_ He had to save his little brother. _

_ He reached forward and stretched his fingers out, straining to reach, trying to scream but the words not forming. _

_ His leg hurt, it hurt so badly, but he thrust the pain out of his mind and focused on his brother.   _

_ Someone said his name, but it didn’t sound like Alphonse… Who was- _

_ He felt something grab his hand and he screamed, bracing his body for a fight. _

“-metal! Fullmetal! Edward!” 

Golden eyes were focused, and Ed looked around and up at the Colonel. The only sound in the room was the soft tinkering of his trembling automail arm. 

“Colonel…”

Mustang ran a gloved hand through his hair. He reached out to the uniform on the desk, his back facing Ed and his eyes lidded with false exasperation to mask the worry he was feeling. “We found your size, though it was a struggle,” he said quietly; his usually direct voice was distant.

Ed’s eyes ghosted over Mustang’s back, his consciousness struggling to stay in the real world. He gave up and looked to his scuffed boots.

Eventually, Ed looked up to see Mustang facing him and a goddamn  _ smile _ , of all things, on his face. Ed’s cloudy eyes focused and sharpened with anger, and he snatched the uniform away from the older man. The smile was lost, and Mustang opened his mouth to speak, but the boy was already on the path away from his office.

  
  


~X~

 

Feet carried Ed down the wide hall as he listened to footsteps echo along the deserted walls. He couldn’t comprehend the fact that the sound of the footsteps he was hearing and the feet on the ground he was seeing were his own. He felt like his consciousness was connected by a thin thread to the body moving down the hallway, like he was sitting in a theatre, watching himself in a movie. The uniform slowly weighed him down until he reached the door of his dorm and was too tired to go on.

He managed to gather up the strength to stride into the room, throwing the stale uniform into the open closet and closing it before roughly clapping his hands and slamming them down on the floor, sealing the door shut. 

Ed rid of his clothes down to his tank top and took his pocket-watch out before peeling off his leather pants and throwing them in his suitcase, deserting them with the other clothes.

The room was silent, but his ears whined from the heat of anger flowing within him. Automail gripped the pocket-watch, and the screeching sound of metal on metal was made in return, interrupting the cold silence. He sighed and lazily tossed the unused clock on his bedside dresser, crawled into his bed and positioned himself so that he was facing the sealed closet door. He stared at the closet in the darkness, absentmindedly hoping it would catch fire with the strength of his gaze, and absentmindedly hoping the uniform would burn with it and he wouldn’t have to go to war.

Each time his eyelids began to fall, they shot back open, remembering this wasn’t a dream and remembering he was truly going to become a mindless dog, blindly following every command he was given. His already restricted freedom was going to be stripped completely from him, all because of this. That uniform, stiff and new, sealed in the thick darkness of the closet, signifying the war started and the war to come; and that pocketwatch, the heavy sealed metal, bound him to this place like a ball and chain.

Ed was wrenched out of his thoughts when he heard the clanging of metal accompanied by the door of his dorm opening; he remembered that Al had left to go to the library a couple hours ago and he quickly closed his eyes and let himself go lax in order to feign sleep.

The troubled alchemist, slowly but surely, fell asleep to the sound of his brother turning the soft pages of some worn old book.

 

~X~

 

Edward awoke with anger still fluttering within him. The room was silent, with a small note from Al adorning the table. The note drifted to the ground as he stood up. Ignoring it, Ed unsealed his closet and yanked the cursed military  _ costume _ out of the closet and put it on. The uniform fit perfectly and he felt fear and sadness crashing down through his stomach. He forgot what he was doing for just a split second before hot fire reared again in his heart and he roughly pulled on the rest of the ensemble.

He still had an hour before role, standing in these horrid clothes, and cheeks blazing rose, he didn’t know how he’d survive the mortification. His feet were comfortable in the familiar boots, and he felt like he had at least one tie to himself, to who he really was under the embarrassing collar

  
  


~X~

  
  


“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

Roy glanced up in surprise and alarm, his deep thought and concentration being broken and his arm flinching, causing papers to flutter from his desk to the floor. As the last one fell, his eyebrows furrowed in concern at the sight of the boy in uniform.

“What was that, Fullmetal?”

“I asked if this was what you fucking wanted.” 

The colonel’s eyes were suddenly mirroring the flames of anger in Ed’s. “What? What I  _ wanted?! _ What the hell are you talking about, Edward?!” 

“You gave me the uniform, you gave me the paperwork, you practically control me. I’m your dog now.  _ Arf _ .”

Mustang stood, palms flat on the polished wood, his white gloves seemingly glowing in the sea of off-white papers around him. “Your anger is misdirected, Fullmetal. Yell at me all you want, but it’s the Führer you should blame. I don’t want this anymore than you do.”

“You sure don’t look like it!” Edward yelled, outraged at the other’s relaxed demeanor. “You’re calm!  _ Calm!” _

“What the he-”

“We’re going into fucking war, you tell me that it was a struggle to find my size, and you  _ smiled. _ ” The words left the blond’s tongue in a bitter hiss. 

“I was trying to tell you that it’d be alright-”

“Alright my ass!” Edward grabbed the taller man’s collar and pulled, staring into his sharp obsidian eyes. “I told you I wouldn’t kill _ ,  _ and here you are, sending me out to  _ slaughter  _ people.”

“Me?” The look of anger on Mustang’s face was slowly replaced with a look of worry and sadness. “I didn’t start this war, Edward. I didn’t ask to send  _ thirteen year old boys _ into war. If it was up to me, you’d have a choice. You wouldn’t have to do this.”

“Some show, Mustang,” Edward spat, letting go of Mustang’s collar with disgust. “Throwing your fake pity shit in my face. Really.” He took a deep breath, gritting his teeth and fighting against the blurriness building in the corners of his vision. The blood rushing to his head sent pulses from the back of his eyes to the tops of his ears, and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Edward,” the colonel spoke quietly but firmly, his voice grounding the blond. “Damn me to hell if I would do something as cruel as lying to your face, as cruel as faking pity. I know what war is, and I was young too. Not as young as you, yes, but I was scared shitless. I  _ know _ what you’re walking into Edward, and I want to be there for you.” The man sighed. “This is slaughter, endless slaughter you are going to see, and I’m going to see  _ again. _ ” 

Ed flinched when he glimpsed the look of undiluted pain on the older man’s face. “Fuck... Mustang, I’m-”

“Don’t you dare apologize, Fullmetal,” Mustang muttered. “Take that anger with you- it’ll keep you warm in the tents.” Edward’s watery, golden eyes widened and he watched as the man gathered the papers that had fallen on the ground. He placed them on the desk with careful precision before turning to walk past Edward. “Line-up’s in five, Fullmetal.” 

 

~X~

 

Line-up was nothing but a grouping of stiff and new uniforms.

And, per Edward’s request, Al was kept away, occupied and distracted by the rest of Mustang’s team, not present for the ceremony. The  _ ceremony. _ Edward scoffed to himself. 

General Grumman was calling the role, Mustang off to his side. Raven eyes seemed to be diverting from the crowd’s any chance they got, but Edward kept his golden eyes trained on the colonel. Each name called from the list was quick and sharp and met with an even faster reply. The Es soon arrived, and Edward’s heart slowly swelled with the anxiety of anticipation. 

“Edward Elric.”

“Present.” 

He’d kept his face straight. He hadn’t stuttered. He replied in the same sharp tone as every soldier before him. He hadn’t missed a beat. And he hadn’t missed the way the colonel flinched when the old general called the name. 

Each name called after blurred into a mixture of mumbling and ringing, and Ed let the world around him fade. The hissing of his ears created a loud symphony inside of his head, until he conjured up the images he’d seen of war… 

He imagined himself standing alone on that battlefield, the harsh and hot air of carnage surrounding him. Iron assaulting his nose and tongue, choking him. With that image came a jolt to his heart, and numbness ran through his body like a wave, staring at the sea of blue in front of him and not daring to look back at the ocean behind him. 

That sea of blue suddenly shifted to a sea of brown, and red, and orange, the colors of the clothes his neighbors had once worn. There was a blonde woman in front of him, replacing the female soldier that once stood there, and when she turned around, he recognized Winry, staring back at him with the eyes of a killer. 

And Al… he was there, too, right beside him, small with a round face. His golden-brown eyes as deserted as the land that took over the courtyard. The eyes of a killer stared at him from that young face.

The image took over his vision, then, and there he was, standing alone, trapped in this barren land of blood. Gunshots rang sharp as the ringing in his ears, intensifying the pain behind his eyes. He closed his eyes quickly, trying to drown the image… and when he opened them, each killer, each person with those  _ goddamn eyes, _ was on the ground, one for each sharp crackle. The gunshots got louder, and louder, and louder, and louder, and louder….

And, suddenly, everything was silent. 

**Author's Note:**

> Orangeglazedlibras and I decided that a year was just about enough time to wait before actually starting to continue this story. Like we waited exactly a year. Unlike last time, however, we're not going to wait a year to publish the second chapter and we'll most likely be able to get this story rolling again.   
> For those of you who have never seen this story before ignore everything above.


End file.
